After You Drop Your Balls

Is it finally happening? I can hear you asking after reading that headline. Is Zach finally going to join the league of excellent Medium writers who write about their sex lives?

No. I don’t have a sex life, and the title is a metaphor. Moving on.

Over the years, I’ve become a master of pushing through — being tired, being exhausted, not feeling particularly well, but still getting up and doing whatever I have to do.

And there are some days where that just doesn’t happen.

I get so used to feeling my usually vaguely crappy, that it’s easy to forget what it’s like to be well and truly sick. Like all-out fever and chills sick, complete with a giant anthropomorphic frog telling me that I should drink more water.

At least, that’s what I think was going on. The details are kind of fuzzy.

Most of the time, I don’t feel all that productive. I’m overwhelmed with the sense that I could be doing more with my life, and that’s definitely true. But coming back to my computer after a couple of days of being so sick that I haven’t done anything gave me a new appreciation for how much I manage to accomplish on a daily basis.

Because once I stop the juggling act and let everything pile up, it piles up fast.

You never really notice how much you’re doing until you stop doing it.

The emails start to build up. The social media notifications start to pile on. The Medium stats drop. All of the irons that you’ve carefully tended start to grow cold. And all you can hope is that you get things back in order fast enough that the hit isn’t too big.

I’m feeling better, thank goodness. It’s disconcerting to get that sick. And it’s pretty unambiguously awful. But I got a nice little reality check out of the whole thing, one little upside:

You’re doing fine. You’re doing a lot. You’re doing more than you think.

(He/They) Ninja Writer. Thespian. Queer. Essayist, poet, novelist. “In Search of Sunflowers” available on Kindle now.

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