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I Couldn’t Take the Flower
Life Lessons from Amanda Fucking Palmer
In her book The Art of Asking, Amanda Palmer talks about her time as a street performer. She would dress up as a tall bride in all white, and when passersby would leave money in her hat; she’d offer them flowers. She describes the moment of connection so beautifully, the elaborate mental connection she created with these people in that moment, while she offered that small, free gift.
And people would refuse.
The ones who refused [the flower]? Sometimes they seemed to think they were doing me a favor by rejecting the flower, gesturing:
“No, no! I couldn’t possibly! Keep it for someone else!”
But they didn’t understand that they were breaking my heart. [. . .] Over the years, though, I got used to it, and instead of taking it personally, I began to understand:
Sometimes people just don’t want the flower.
Sometimes you have to let them walk away.
One of the main themes in The Art of Asking is that you should “take the flower.” When somebody offers you something freely, whether it’s their time, their money, their expertise, their knowledge, their love, whatever it is, and it’s something you need, you should accept it without shame or guilt.
