It’s not wrong to ask at all — and, in fact, it’s a question that I really appreciate. I wish that I had a straightforward answer.

There are a handful of things that would make me happy, and might even make things easier for me. (I keep an Amazon wishlist for that, even if I feel, I don’t know, kind of greedy? selfish? for putting that out, especially when I put big/expensive things on it). But as to the specific goal of kick-starting me on the path to wellness? I’m not sure. Though, I have to say, getting new clothes — just a thing or two a month — has been pretty nice for my self-image.

I’m going to have to get out more. I’m going to have to push myself into getting a gym membership and making myself go, even when it’s hard, and even when there are people sneering and making fun. It’s all about pushing myself, and overcoming that inertia.

I’m starting to make peace with the idea that I’ll never be ideally thin. I’ll always be large, no matter what. Never quite attractive enough to make a splash, you know? But I just want to be healthy enough that I can live without pain, maybe take a flight on an airplane. So that’s the goal, and I think it’s realistic — maybe.

Thank you for sharing your story. It’s really helpful to hear from other folks in the same shoes. And thank you for making me think. ❤