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Starting the Sue Sylvester Diet
It’s all protein shakes and lovingly-crafted insults.
Sue Sylvester is, perhaps, my favorite antagonist in all of fiction. From the first line of dialogue in Glee to the last, she is by turns outrageous, amazing, and deliciously over the top. And there’s a little part of me that feels like I’m beginning my transformation into her.
No, I haven’t burned my hair blonde, or invested in track suits and a bullhorn. Not yet, anyway. Rather, after my first appointment with the bariatric surgeon out here in Erie, I’m beginning to replace meals with shakes.
There’s one episode of Glee that comes to mind, where the school’s staff are having a Secret Santa exchange, run by Coach Beiste. All of the faculty names are put into a gigantic repurposed protein powder tub. After the reveal that Sue has replaced the jug with one that had slips with her name only, she tells Coach Beiste something along the lines of You’re not the only one with the bulk tubs of protein powder.
I thought it was an exaggeration at first, just how huge these tubs of powder are. But after ordering two from Amazon, I have to say, it’s no joke. These tubs are colossal. (And mostly half empty, after all the powder’s settled. But that’s another story).
