This… is gorgeous. This is the exact feeling that I felt when I watched Grey’s Anatomy, too. I want these friendships. I want these relationships — and, maybe, the romantic ones least of all.

I haven’t been close to many people in my life. I’m not good at getting close, and, like Meredith, I had shit for all in the family department, which is kind of where you’re supposed to learn these things. Of the two people I’ve ever considered my best friends, one is dead, and one hasn’t spoken to me in seven years.

I didn’t start watching this show…until about a year ago. And I’m on my third watch-through now. Because I want this. The relationships, the dedication, the mentorhoods, the people who are in your corner no matter what. The people who care about you, who are willing to kick your ass, who have something to teach you, who teach you to stand up for yourself.

I need a Cristina Yang in my life. I need a Miranda Bailey. If nothing else, watching Grey’s has shown me just how…empty my life has been. Things are getting better. Things are changing for the better. But there’s still a whole lot of empty.