Three Reasons to Stop Writing

I searched for “anger” on Unsplash, and this was one of the options. What does smoking kielbasa have to do with anger? Hell if I know. Maybe the guy is hangry? Photo by Matthieu Joannon on Unsplash

N.b. This was meant to be funny. I think it got a little too salty somewhere along the way. Or maybe that’s just me. — Zx

#1 — I need my beauty sleep.

Obviously, I think this is a tending-toward-infinity thing.

As in, I am — shall we say — at the bottom of the bell curve when it comes to traditional Western masculine attractiveness standards. Meaning, I need a infinite amount of beauty sleep. Like, yesterday.

Either I need to find a genie in a bottle, or I need to get started on my beauty sleep. I imagine that you don’t start earning beauty sleep until you pay back your sleep debt, so I’m in bed for a good few decades. It’s time for me to start climbing up from that -3-sigma.

Normal distribution curve that illustrates standard deviations. MW Toews, Wikimedia Commons.

It should only take about a decade of sleep or so to get into that +2/+3-sigma range. After that, all I need is a time machine back to 2012, and I can be an Instagram influencer! I can make assloads of money doing absolutely nothing except looking pretty and pretending I use promotional products.

I’d be able to monetize my face! Talk about passive income.

#2 — Sarah Dessen has…