Where’s the New Me in the Mirror?

77 Pounds in to weight loss, I’m expecting him.

Photo by Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash

I recently wrote about my weight loss, and the trouble that I’m having with it. And I think I finally touched onto one of the reasons that I’m struggling with it so much.

I keep expecting to see somebody new in the mirror.

For the vast majority of people, a loss of 77 pounds* would be drastic. (I’m assuming I’ve lost more since I wrote that, since I’m losing at about a rate of a pound and a half a day. But it’s not official until I step on the doctor’s scale.) You would see that kind of loss on their body. Hell, most people would look like a completely new person. But I just look like me.

The same ol’Oompa-Loompa me. Judge for yourself:

On the left: June 1, 2019, before I started the diet. On the right: October 10, 2019, as I’m writing this essay. Other than lighting and facial hair, there isn’t much of a difference. I might even look worse now. (Photos from the Author’s Extensive Selfie Archive / AESA).

Sure, I feel a little bit better since I’ve taken that picture. I can walk a little bit further without having to stop. But I don’t trust my own subjective experience of my body. I hate my body too much for that. What I feel doesn’t matter.

Instead, I’m looking for some kind of external proof. Whether that comes in the difference in how people treat me, or just the fact that I look…